Paranoia Analyst Gifts

Taxicab security.

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'Every friend is a potential security breach.'

Scientist to other: 'Gross! This isn't anthrax, it's an envelope full of dandruff!'

Employee Assistance Program: Now treating; whistleblower's fear of retaliation.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"You dropped yer wallet."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

Prepper Dog

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

"I have this nagging feeling that cartoonists are everywhere, drawing everything I do."

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

We have control of you brain.

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."

'Ever get the feeling that you're being watched?'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'