Paranoia Gifts

No Immediate Danger

"What terrors lurk behind that trustworthy facade?"

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"You dropped yer wallet."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

Caterpillar Paranoia

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

We have control of you brain.

"I have this nagging feeling that cartoonists are everywhere, drawing everything I do."

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'Ever get the feeling that you're being watched?'

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

'You've got hypochondria.'

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

The Hypochondria Times.

Closed system: Worry-powered TV set.

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'