Paranoia Navigator Gifts

Beware of Everything.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

No Immediate Danger

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

Stubborn Horse

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

Signs of Stress

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"You dropped yer wallet."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

A dream of consequence

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

Prepper Dog

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

'If anyone's still interested, the definition of entropy is ^,'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'