Paranoia Navigator Gifts

Surrey with a lunatic fringe on top.

Beware of Everything.

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

No Immediate Danger

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

Stubborn Horse

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Signs of Stress

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"You dropped yer wallet."

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

Prepper Dog

A dream of consequence

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

Careful

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'If anyone's still interested, the definition of entropy is ^,'

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy