Paranoia Detective Gifts

'He's a true hypochondriac. He always keeps his hands in his pockets to keep them from folding over his chest.'

We have control of you brain.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"Would the widdle Venus fly trap like a fly? You'll have to beg for it."

No Immediate Danger

I crawled out of a toilet and ate a guy. Say my name 3 times in a mirror. I dare you. No one suspects I'm Slenderman. She took me home. Then she woke up in a tub of ice missing a kidney. Urban Legends-in-Their-Own-Minds.

Channelling on the Cheap

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

Man runs scared from ringing graveyard bell.

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Oh my!...Corn circles, Roswell, aliens, pyramids - there's a connection!...'

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

Ghostship

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

'Of course I'm paranoid and delusional, dummy! -- I was abducted by aliens, for crying out loud!'

'It's only the library ghost - he was a great poet but a failed novelist.'

Ghosts and Aliens in Bath

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

'Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!'

Inside the Bermuda Romantic Triangle

"Joyce! The poltergeist are having another dinner party!"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

"Thank God you're here, first I need your help assembling this Ikea exorcism futon."