Paranoia Detective T-Shirts

'He's a true hypochondriac. He always keeps his hands in his pockets to keep them from folding over his chest.'

We have control of you brain.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

No Immediate Danger

"Would the widdle Venus fly trap like a fly? You'll have to beg for it."

Channelling on the Cheap

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

"You dropped yer wallet."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Man runs scared from ringing graveyard bell.

'Oh my!...Corn circles, Roswell, aliens, pyramids - there's a connection!...'

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

Ghostship

'Of course I'm paranoid and delusional, dummy! -- I was abducted by aliens, for crying out loud!'

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

'Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

Inside the Bermuda Romantic Triangle

'It's only the library ghost - he was a great poet but a failed novelist.'

"Joyce! The poltergeist are having another dinner party!"

Ghosts and Aliens in Bath

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

'We have a positive ID on the spacecraft, Mr. Ferguson. Now, if you can identify the one who abducted you, we won't keep you any longer!'

"Really, Mr. Stevens, this fantasy of being turned into a giant frog is absurd. We both know there's no such thing as a curse, and you can't seriously believe your mother-in-law is actually a witch. . ."