Paranoia Puzzler T-Shirts

'Sit tight — I'm going to call for backup.'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

"You dropped yer wallet."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

Prepper Dog

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

Caterpillar Paranoia

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

"I have this nagging feeling that cartoonists are everywhere, drawing everything I do."

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

We have control of you brain.

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'You've got hypochondria.'

The Hypochondria Times.