Paranoia Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

"Call it excessive if you like, but none of our guests have ever pinched anything..."

"Bummer Magazine"

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

'Man, that freaks me out I've lived here over a year and every time I come home that lamp's in a different place,'

Unnecessary alarm company

"I think the man in the corner may have the covid."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"It feels like we're being followed."

'I'm under the illusion peole are staring at me.'

CIA, 'Confound it, Ruggles - we're SUPPOSED to be worrywarts!'

'Can I call you back? I'm expecting someone.'

"Im over-cynical, eh? Which dark forces put that idea in your head?"

"Did you order 8000 tins of beans, 10,000 litres of water, 400 bottles of vitamins C tablets, 500 rolls of tin foil. . ."

"Your wife is right. It's stupid to think you're being watched and bugged. And zip up your fly."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

New Road Signs to Watch For:

No Immediate Danger

'So, what's for dinner ...a séance?'

"Had more ghost-hunters 'round my place last night....scared the daylights outta me!"

"What we didn't have but obviously needed was an alarmist."

'Halloween is just around the corner, kids. Have you decided what are you going to wear?'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Get a tomb!"

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"Which one is yours?"

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

Fear of Flying Seminar

"Pencil eraser."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'