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Things You Should Know About...

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"You dropped yer wallet."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

Prepper Dog

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

We have control of you brain.

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

'Ever get the feeling that you're being watched?'

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

The Hypochondria Times.

'You've got hypochondria.'

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'