Paranoia T-Shirts

No Immediate Danger

"What terrors lurk behind that trustworthy facade?"

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

Caterpillar Paranoia

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

We have control of you brain.

'Ever get the feeling that you're being watched?'

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'You've got hypochondria.'

Things You Should Know About...

The Hypochondria Times.

Closed system: Worry-powered TV set.

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."