Paranoia Playful T-Shirts

Up periscope.

"It's really freaking me out!! Every time I go for a walk I hear footsteps behind me. I stop, they stop, I turn around..."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

"You dropped yer wallet."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

'He's Barack Obama? I thought you said 'he brought a bomb on!''

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

Caterpillar Paranoia

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

"I have this nagging feeling that cartoonists are everywhere, drawing everything I do."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

'Well doctor, is it serious?'

We have control of you brain.

'Ever get the feeling that you're being watched?'

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

Things You Should Know About...

Closed system: Worry-powered TV set.

'You've got hypochondria.'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."