Paranoia Pals T-Shirts

"There's been nothing wrong with me lately and that's got me worried."

No Immediate Danger

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Trust

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

Prepper Dog

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

Things You Should Know About...

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'

The Hypochondria Times.

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

'Don't open that attachment!'

'Sit tight — I'm going to call for backup.'

'Don't mind my husband, he just wants to be 65!'

'I'm minding it for a friend.'

'Every friend is a potential security breach.'

'Don't worry -- I'll soon knock that paranoia out of you!'

'This homeland security is getting out of hand!'

"Did you order 8000 tins of beans, 10,000 litres of water, 400 bottles of vitamins C tablets, 500 rolls of tin foil. . ."

"Your wife is right. It's stupid to think you're being watched and bugged. And zip up your fly."

"It's really freaking me out!! Every time I go for a walk I hear footsteps behind me. I stop, they stop, I turn around..."

'Agnes, do you ever get the feeling you're being watched?'

'Can I call you back? I'm expecting someone.'

'So, Al, how are you getting along with Criswell?'

You're letting this security thing go to your head.