Paranoia Pals T-Shirts

"There's been nothing wrong with me lately and that's got me worried."

No Immediate Danger

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

Trust

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

Prepper Dog

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

'Plastic bags, dogs, dogs behind gates, strange smells, pigs, strange noises...heck! It would be quicker to tell you what doesn't spook me!'

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'

The Hypochondria Times.

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

Things You Should Know About...

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

'Don't open that attachment!'

'Sit tight — I'm going to call for backup.'

'Don't mind my husband, he just wants to be 65!'

'For cryin' out loud. All I said was I thought I heard a noise outside last night!'

'Every friend is a potential security breach.'

'I'm minding it for a friend.'

'Don't worry -- I'll soon knock that paranoia out of you!'

'This homeland security is getting out of hand!'

'Agnes, do you ever get the feeling you're being watched?'

'So, Al, how are you getting along with Criswell?'

"Yeah...I'm looking at you. See how you like it."

You're letting this security thing go to your head.

'Can I call you back? I'm expecting someone.'

"Your wife is right. It's stupid to think you're being watched and bugged. And zip up your fly."

"Did you order 8000 tins of beans, 10,000 litres of water, 400 bottles of vitamins C tablets, 500 rolls of tin foil. . ."