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My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"

No Immediate Danger

"You dropped yer wallet."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

Prepper Dog

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

Fortunes. Tarot. Palms. You punched the fortune teller just because he was smiling? I always wanted to strike a happy medium.

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

"I have this nagging feeling that cartoonists are everywhere, drawing everything I do."

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

We have control of you brain.

Phrenological matrimonial bureau

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

The Hypochondria Times.

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'