Paranoia Observer Pillows

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"Hey! Where's that black cat? My ride's ready!"

No Immediate Danger

"You dropped yer wallet."

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

Prepper Dog

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

Caterpillar Paranoia

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

Phrenological matrimonial bureau

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

We have control of you brain.

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'You've got hypochondria.'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'