Medical Paranoia Observer T-Shirts

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"You dropped yer wallet."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

Highway of Life. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump.

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

'I keep thinking I'm being watched...'

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

"I have this nagging feeling that cartoonists are everywhere, drawing everything I do."

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

We have control of you brain.

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

Phrenological matrimonial bureau

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'You've got hypochondria.'

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''

Closed system: Worry-powered TV set.

"Well, Phil, after years of vague complaints and imaginary ailments, we finally have something to work with."

"Trust me, this place is worth the wait."

Optimistic Paranoia.

"Handwriting analysis has revealed that Spencer is not in fact my husband."

'Sit tight — I'm going to call for backup.'

'Did you ever have a feeling you're being watched?'