Health Paranoia Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

How To Make A Pigs Ear Out Of Swine Flu.

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

Just in time for Halloween...

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Forget Your Worries at Velton Corners, Spa.

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"These diet pills must work. My purse is getting thinner and thinner."

"I think the Church is taking this flu thing a little too seriously."

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

'Get back! Get back! Or so help me...I'll eat it!'

Doctor to man: 'Don't kid yourself. You don't have athlete's foot - more like couch potato's corns.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Because when it actually works they just call it medicine."

"We at pharmacorp are 100% behind the benefits of 'physical and artistic' therapies which is why we've developed 'megazylomol' to enhance the experience!"

A Reasonable Time for Concern