Paranoia Analyst T-Shirts

Taxicab security.

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'Every friend is a potential security breach.'

Scientist to other: 'Gross! This isn't anthrax, it's an envelope full of dandruff!'

Employee Assistance Program: Now treating; whistleblower's fear of retaliation.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

Prepper Dog

"I'm guessing you're a germaphobe?"

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

Caterpillar Paranoia

We have control of you brain.

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

'Ever get the feeling that you're being watched?'

"Our surveillance indicates that Earthlings have a fear of right-angled triangles."

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'

'Really, a foreign wine? What will the NSA think?'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'You've got hypochondria.'