Paranoia Philosopher Gifts

Caterpillar Paranoia

"Oh yes, I'm thoroughly enjoying my private beach."

"Dude - don't believe in all that nonsense you read on the internet."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

No Immediate Danger

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

Conspiracy Cat

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

Prepper Dog

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Fill out all these highly intrusive forms...we can't wait!"

Hypochodriac worrying about his heart.

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

"You never call, and the federal government will back me up on that."

Big Bubba Is Watching You!

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

'Ever get the feeling that you're being watched?'

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

Agoraphobic Explorer

'Relax, we've only been for a pint.'

Closed system: Worry-powered TV set.

'You've got hypochondria.'