Paranoia Appreciator Gifts

'I'll call you back. I think I'm being followed.'

"That's why we got him. We wanted a director of security who was paranoid."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"You dropped yer wallet."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

'Es-yay. E's-hay ere-hay ight-ray ow-nay and-ay e-hay oesn't-day uspect-say a ing-thay!'

"Is this as good a bad time as any other bad time you've experienced?"

"Pencil eraser."

Prepper Dog

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

'Under new business, is anyone wearing a wire?'

"Oh no, not another pandemic!"

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

'Do you get the feeling we're being watched?'

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'I can feel it, Henderson - Someone out there is up to no good.'

"Bernie has fear of commitment - He thinks the American Psychiatric Association is out to get him."

It's 10PM. Do you know if you're under electronic surveillance from a spy satellite?

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'I'm not a guru. I just came up here until the ebola scare goes away.'

'You've got hypochondria.'

'I think a grim reaper is following me...'

'I'm sure looking forward to relaxing when we get to the summit.'

Closed system: Worry-powered TV set.

'You tell me - IS the sky out to get you?'

'Global warming, international terrorism, melting polar ice caps, receding hairline... It's all very worrying.'

'Well, we've probed and diagnosed you thoroughly and still have found nothing. Now Dr. Thompson here would like you to lie down in his office for a special 'hypochondria scan.''