Paramedic Gifts

Whale-to-whale resuscitation

"No, the other one."

Damn defibrillators.

'Unbelievable. Smoking a cigarette while shoveling snow. Did he leave a note?'

'You've got a better idea? The paddles are Broken. Just turn the key.'

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know First Aid?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

"First, we need to stabilize his spine!"

Medical Data Base of Useful Information, 5K. Medical Data base of useless information, 500,000,000 MB.

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'Try not to move.'

'The first aid team has the day off.'

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know CPR?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

Unable to resuscitate the stranger with his breath, Leon quickly grabbed his leaf blower.

'I admire your persistence doctor. But face it. You've lost this patient.'

'Thanks for changing the tire, Mr. Cromwell. Bob and I both have back problems.'

'Yes, I called you. I've broken a finger nail!'

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

Injured man sees that he is being taken to the 'No Biggie Room', as opposed to the 'Emergency Room.

Mountain rescue team standing on the lost climber.

'Yeah, I hear the squealing noise too. Probably just a bad wheel bearing.'

'Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.'

Providing Healthcare For All

'Too tight?'

'Hellooo, I can spell'

'It's bad enough that you dropped your end of the stretcher, but did you have to yell 'BOMBS AWAY'?'

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

"Code blue! Code blue! His heart's grown three times it's size!"

With the victim of the bar fight badly in need of blood, a quick-thinking doctor ran an IV line from the plasma screen TV.

"Only then, did all the king's horses and all the king's men regret not taking a first aid course of some kind."

'That was quick!'

'The patient's medical tag states 'Insulin and Botox dependent', doctor.'

Urgent Care/Walk It Off

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."