Paramedic T-Shirts

Whale-to-whale resuscitation

"No, the other one."

Damn defibrillators.

'Unbelievable. Smoking a cigarette while shoveling snow. Did he leave a note?'

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know First Aid?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

"First, we need to stabilize his spine!"

Medical Data Base of Useful Information, 5K. Medical Data base of useless information, 500,000,000 MB.

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'Try not to move.'

'The first aid team has the day off.'

Worker: 'QUICK, does anybody here know CPR?!' / Worker: 'Yeah, him.'

'I admire your persistence doctor. But face it. You've lost this patient.'

'Yes, I called you. I've broken a finger nail!'

Mountain rescue team standing on the lost climber.

'Don't you people ever take a pulse? ! '

Injured man sees that he is being taken to the 'No Biggie Room', as opposed to the 'Emergency Room.

'Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.'

'Too tight?'

Providing Healthcare For All

'Hellooo, I can spell'

'No, no, no. Shout 'clear' BEFORE zapping him.'

'That was quick!'

"Only then, did all the king's horses and all the king's men regret not taking a first aid course of some kind."

"I'm not a lawyer. I'm just drafting."

"Well, at least we know she died peacefully."

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

Urgent Care/Walk It Off

"He's still clicking but there's no pulse."

'What you look at it? You want a piece of me, is that what you want?'

'Can't you give the dummy mouth to mouth without getting romantically involved Mrs Wilks?'

Don't worry, the first 30 years as a paramedic are the hardest.

Emergency services on a tread mill

'Where does it hurt?'

Ambulance towed from a no-parking zone.