Paradise Pondering Gifts

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

Crowded Ice Fishing

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

'Yes sir, Thoreau had the right idea.'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

'Hi, my name is Eve. Where is the mall?'

'I've been to seventh heaven many times, but this is my first experience with the real thing.'

'Well, in my case, Muzak DOESN'T help with meditation!'

Visit a Place in your Past...

Self Service Island

"Look, I'm happy to drop my attachment to ego, but please, don't expect me to give up coffee!"

'...Well if this is heaven, why aren't you using a Mac?'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

'Missin' rib, snake, guilt, eviction. . . and not a Stress Counsellor in sight!'

"Getting a star named after me makes you feel kind of insignificant doesn't it?"

Clouds getting into angel's shoes.

'Life is becoming more and more expensive.'

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'