Paradise Pondering T-Shirts

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

Crowded Ice Fishing

'We would like an unspoiled paradise, but with lots of shops.'

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

"Sitting here with you each day at sunset reminds me I have to get a job."

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

'When you invented vegetables, Sir, did you know that my mother would be able to fit them all into one garden?'

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

'Sometimes, in the stillness and warmth of an afternoon sun, I can almost hear interest compounding.'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

'Yes sir, Thoreau had the right idea.'

"Have you tried turning off your conscious mind and then turning it back on again?"

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

"And please let Alan Greenspan accept the things he cannot change, give him the courage to change the things he can and the wisdom to know the difference."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'How come there aren't any peace heroes?'

'I've been to seventh heaven many times, but this is my first experience with the real thing.'

'Hi, my name is Eve. Where is the mall?'

Visit a Place in your Past...

'Well, in my case, Muzak DOESN'T help with meditation!'

Self Service Island

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

'Missin' rib, snake, guilt, eviction. . . and not a Stress Counsellor in sight!'

Clouds getting into angel's shoes.

'Life is becoming more and more expensive.'

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

Not so heavenly

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."