Paradise Philosopher Gifts

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"I thought there would be bacon here."

There is no hurricane season in Aruba...

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"Would it still be considered a weekend getaway if we never go back?"

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

"Horace, what are we doing on the same cloud? Our vows said 'till death do us part.'"

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Doggie Heaven

"It's a land flowing with milk and honey, with a small but lively arts district."

'I've been to seventh heaven many times, but this is my first experience with the real thing.'

Self Service Island

'Hi, my name is Eve. Where is the mall?'

'The shrink said my holiday was hereditary - my family.'

Why the sudden interest in Autumn?

'It's nice to see that some marriages really are made in heaven.'

'Life is becoming more and more expensive.'

"The only problem with Heaven is there's nowhere to hang stuff."

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

Not so heavenly

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

Clouds getting into angel's shoes.

'Missin' rib, snake, guilt, eviction. . . and not a Stress Counsellor in sight!'

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

'We would like an unspoiled paradise with lots of shops.'

"Wow! I guess you CAN 'take it with you', after all!"

Employees Only Door in Heaven.

'I thought everybody would be equal here'

"Boxing day is so boring."