Heavenly Philosopher Gifts

Halo Theft

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

Coronavirus

"When I was your age, we wished on stars. Now, we wish on satellites!"

"We've all said things about heliocentricity that look bad when taken out of context."

What if Huckabee Were a Fundamentalist Hindu?

'God?' Earth receives its first transmission from space.

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

"Shall we put it in play?"

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

Eviction Notice for Earth...

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

"What, then, is theorigin of cosmology? Some say it has always been with us and always will be. Some think it arrived spontaneously, while others feel it started very small and is expanding..."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

Yogi back in 5.

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.

"I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his lear and wise command in Romans 13, to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained the government for his purposes."

'The big bang theory of creation.'

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"Since I got out here, it seems my mind is like it's in a vacuum."

"Kind of makes you realize how insignificant my awesome beard is."

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

School of hard knocks: Mail box 'Knock-knock jokes'

'I know just how you feel. Sometimes I think I'm living on the wrong planet too.'

Religion, This End Up

The moon used to be a ghostly, unreachable companion in the night sky. Men and women would gaze at it at night, and its mystery would get them in the mood for lovin'. House of Java . Net Cybercafe. Then NASA had to go louse it all up by sending people there. It took decades of us giving up and abandoning the moon for it to start to seem untouchable again. Just last year, it finally regained its magic ... Then China went and landed on it. I still don't think you can sue China.

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

"They're on a silent retreat."