Angelic Philosopher Gifts

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

Heaven

An amplified harp

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

'let's work with what we've got -- take a few of the more promising apes, and add some extra memory.'

"So much for eternal rest."

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

Late Night TV

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

'I've always found the stars disappointingly small.'

"I guess they really are permanent."

'Gee, I never expected to find this problem here too!'

"Why corona? I thought they were getting a bit too cocky."

"Are you sure these comment cards are anonymous?"

'Don't feel too badly about your post, I used to work for the News of the World.'

Death of the pope.

'Now THERE'S a friendship I've never quite understood. That's Ludwig van Beethoven on the left, with Harvey Fernquist, the inventor of telephone 'hold' music!'

"I loved the good old days, …. 'better dead than red'."

'Well of course I believed, but I never really thought it was true.'