Angelic Author Gifts

'I'm writing a sequel to my autobiography.'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

Halo Frisbee.

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

'One really nice thing up here is that it's always very easy to get an audience with a Pope.'

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"You think it's tough down there?"

An amplified harp

Heaven

Angel playing music

"I know, boy—I miss the smoked salmon at Zabar's, too."

Damn defibrillators.

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"This is Heaven, you idiot. Everything's perfect. There is no suggestion box."

Supply was out of harps.

"If it isn't E mc2!"

'Whoa Hold up, You need to get you hand stamped,'

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

"So much for eternal rest."

'Don't sweat it - We grade on the curve.'

'Let's see...yes, there is a wing upgrade for a soul patch.'

'I'm new up here...where are the men?'

Late Night TV

"I can't. You told him he could date after you came here."

Smashed harp...

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."

Magazine Stand at the Pearly Gates

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"Ready? It's your bloopers tape."

'The Christ Child'

"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."

"I can't hit a bad note to save my soul!"

'But how did you lose your harp?'