Painting Guru Gifts

'So, Vincent, who is your target market?'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'I could do that.'

The Rise of Modern Art

"Everything you say (or don't say) matters. Choose your words and intentions carefully."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Kirsten Johnson

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

"Stop complaining and smile! It's a job, isn't it? NO wonder they call you Mona!"

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

Creative accounting.

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

Hazards of mouse painting

"Do you have anything that can help remove dark circles from under my eyes?"

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

A Christmas tree self portrait

"My method of painting is pointillism."

Artist Retrospective.

Alberto Giacometti.

"Big deal! My digital picture frame can hold a thousand pictures!"

'I'm getting ready as fast as I can, and for the last time, it's a vanity table, not a 'workstation'.'

Rodins rotten juggler

"It's a cautionary tale about why we shouldn't cut arts funding in schools."

Eugene Delacroix

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

'This one's titled, 'Artist's Block'.'