Modern Art Guru Gifts

"My five year old could've done that!"

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"I gotta be me!"

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"Well....I could've done this!"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

If nobody had invented graphics

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

It's a call from Tate modern.

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

'Projectile painting.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Klimt Kiss Phones

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

bird interprets modern art

The Selfie

'I could do that.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Picasso: The Early Years

Cats at private view

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

battered artist has painted picture of falling bomb.