Modern Art Enthusiast Gifts

"I'd say my biggest influence is probably Pollock."

'It's either very good or very bad.'

"What I do as an artist is take an ordinary object – say, a lamppost – and, by urinating on it, transform it into something that is uniquely my own."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'Look Larry, this one has air coming out of it!'

A cat waits by a square mouse hole.

'Is this a piece of artwork or one of our charts?'

The Dentists By Munch

"I decided to cut out the pretense and get to the point!"

'And now, Dr. Wagner and Dr. Avery will demonstrate, through interpretive dance, how inflation in developing nations impacts the formation of global monetary policies!'

"Uh, hello? My eyes are over here."

'I still don't get it.'

'Sure she's got a nice smile, but is it art?'

"I spent $1,000 on this great painting. And I spent $2,000 on college courses to know why it is great!"

Security guards guarding a pot and cup of coffee on display.

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

A post-modern abstract self portrait

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

'The ailing matisse tries cutting out meat and diary products'

'It's from my strange-but-not-as-strange-as-I-am-now period.'

'That's quite a loose style you've got there, Mrs. Fernbush!'

"Don't forget your chiropractor's appointment tomorrow!"

Trendy man says to wife: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend I like.'

If Dorian Gray had lived in a modern condo.

After three days the curator decided it was probably upside down.

Abstract artist scolding his son for spilling paint.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"Cool! I wonder what drawing program he used!"

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

'Your best bet would be to go right up Madison Ave., and turn at this corner on to 89th St.'

"The catalogue's no help, it just says 'we haven't a clue either'."

'How rude!'

The Abstract, The Modernist, The Avant-Guard.

'It's from his, ‘Hey, my kid could do better than that' period.'