Modern Art Enthusiast Gifts

"I'd say my biggest influence is probably Pollock."

'It's either very good or very bad.'

"What I do as an artist is take an ordinary object – say, a lamppost – and, by urinating on it, transform it into something that is uniquely my own."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'Look Larry, this one has air coming out of it!'

'Is this a piece of artwork or one of our charts?'

A cat waits by a square mouse hole.

"I decided to cut out the pretense and get to the point!"

The Dentists By Munch

'And now, Dr. Wagner and Dr. Avery will demonstrate, through interpretive dance, how inflation in developing nations impacts the formation of global monetary policies!'

"Uh, hello? My eyes are over here."

'I still don't get it.'

'Sure she's got a nice smile, but is it art?'

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

'I should know who he is! His work is in every gallery I go into.'

"I spent $1,000 on this great painting. And I spent $2,000 on college courses to know why it is great!"

A post-modern abstract self portrait

Security guards guarding a pot and cup of coffee on display.

"Don't forget your chiropractor's appointment tomorrow!"

Abstract artist scolding his son for spilling paint.

'That's quite a loose style you've got there, Mrs. Fernbush!'

'The ailing matisse tries cutting out meat and diary products'

After three days the curator decided it was probably upside down.

Trendy man says to wife: 'I don't know much about art but I know what to pretend I like.'

'It's from my strange-but-not-as-strange-as-I-am-now period.'

If Dorian Gray had lived in a modern condo.

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"Cool! I wonder what drawing program he used!"

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Christo's computer wrapped in kitchen plastic wrap.

I would love to have the time to knock off some museum quality art like that.

'Don't laugh. Your investing here helped pay for it.'

A pencil? Sorry, not much call for those.

Induction day at the modern art gallery was proving to be heavy going for Sam. . .