Modern Art Fan Gifts

"This explains the p***s we saw downstairs."

"Wentworth, could I take another look at that reorganization plan?"

"Please hold still!"

'No, not that! Look over there - I've invented Modern Art.'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

Sculptures in an art gallery: one titled 'Freedom' and another titled 'Trapped'.

'If they don't laugh, we'll say it's art.'

The turner committee hated my entry..but the envelope made the shortlist.

Bau Wau Haus

'Remember your blood pressure.'

Warhol Exhibit

"Oh gosh, I've come over all queasy all of a sudden."

New: Mark Rothko Colouring Books

"It was his last piece."

Scream Shrink

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Local Art Show

"My conceptual artwork - documented in these photographs - consists of my going on a bus to cleveland, buying a blue hat, putting three feathers on it, and throwing it off a bridge in Michigan."

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

Now go wash your hands.

'I want you to bring my character into the painting.'

The iPad Players

The future Pablo Picasso about to be conceived

'I love what you've done with your hair.'

"It's taken her years to develop that naive, spontaneous, style."

Art Show - I like this one, it's called 'FT up 90'.

"Now, there's a nice contemporary sunset!"

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

The man who got the contract for making the furniture for the top offices of the 'Shard'.

Magritte selfie.

Two stylised figures marching.

"I think it's called Alcopop Art."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'