Modern Art Fanatic Gifts

"Matisse now, Pollock later."

Scream Patient

Klimt Kiss Phones

Modigliani's Giraffe

Artist paints graffiti: Rembrandt Sucks Eggs!

'This one's called 'unpaid electric bills'.'

"It's called 'eight down and fourteen across'."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"Well....I could've done this!"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"You're welcome."

'Projectile painting.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Picasso: The Early Years

Cats at private view

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Jackson Pollock Studio

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

Pouring all emotion into his art, Pablo had none left for his face.

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"Feel better, dear?"

The Cremaster Cycle