Modern Art Fanatic Pillows

"Matisse now, Pollock later."

Klimt Kiss Phones

Modigliani's Giraffe

Artist paints graffiti: Rembrandt Sucks Eggs!

'This one's called 'unpaid electric bills'.'

"It's called 'eight down and fourteen across'."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

"You're welcome."

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Picasso: The Early Years

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Cats at private view

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Jackson Pollock Studio

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

Art Gallery.

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

The Cremaster Cycle

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."