Modern Art Visionary Gifts

Caveman with a spraycan.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Robotic Man

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

Klimt Kiss Phones

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

Tim Burton

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

The Cremaster Cycle

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

Gianni Tatti's Dining-Room Chair

Remember . . . If at first you do succeed, make sequels!'

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

"Their titles from left to right are, 'Holiday in Palm Springs','Next mortgage payment' and 'Deposit on a new Porsche'

'I have one just like this at home. My five year old son painted it.'

The Abstract, The Modernist, The Avant-Guard.

"Now, is this the kind of painting your Mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

Francoise Gilot

Metropolitan Art Center current exhibit: Father of the Finger-In-Your-Eye School of Modern Art.

'Picasso'