Modern Art Dreamers Gifts

The art of painting

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Klimt Kiss Phones

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'I have a feeling one day when he grows up he'll be an artist of some kind.'

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

The Cremaster Cycle

"You may now kiss the bride."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Gianni Tatti's Dining-Room Chair

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

The world's most unemployable family

Woman throwing giant pot.

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

The Abstract, The Modernist, The Avant-Guard.

"Now, is this the kind of painting your Mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

Children's imagination

'I have one just like this at home. My five year old son painted it.'

"Their titles from left to right are, 'Holiday in Palm Springs','Next mortgage payment' and 'Deposit on a new Porsche'

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

'Picasso'

Metropolitan Art Center current exhibit: Father of the Finger-In-Your-Eye School of Modern Art.

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"