Pain Warriors Gifts

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Lumbar support animal

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

'I just invented the 'chair' - It relieves lower back pain!'

Workaholics Anonymous meeting: 'No one showed up. Everyone is working.'

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

"Well, the first thing we're going to do is loosen those suspenders!"

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"I don't prescribe opioids, but feel free to grab a CBD-laced lollipop on your way out."

"I'm trying to determine if the aches and pains are from an injury or just my new normal."

"Too hard?"

"I bit my tongue...but the bandages won't stick!"

Wal Max - Complaints Department

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

'Exactly which school of acupuncture are you from?'

"...Under pressure?..gain instant relief with Doctor Bengts information overload adjuster...."

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

'This is going to be a level three.'

'I don't suppose it occured to you to simply agree to disagree?'

'We have a tournament to see which drug reps get to see the doctors.'

'Oh, thank god, a hot tub... My back is literally killing me.'

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

Creation: The True Story

"We were definitely here before them."

'Does it hurt when I do this...?'

"We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls but your prayer is important to us so please stay on the line and one of our ....."

'I said 'would you like to join the noise abatement society'?'

The frustration of a nagging injury.