Pain Enthusiast Gifts

'This won't hurt, honest.'

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

'I'm wrapping it tightly to keep the ankle from swelling.'

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'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

"I love this comedy. What's it called?"

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"You've been traded to the Red Sox for an outfielder with a broken arm."

'I think this fishing injury is more serious than you're letting on!'

'Very funny!'

"I don't prescribe opioids, but feel free to grab a CBD-laced lollipop on your way out."

Slept on the plane and now in horrible pain?

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

"I think he stood on a nettle."

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

"Where does it hurt?"

'This is going to be a level three.'

I don't let the dentist use painkillers. I transcend dental medication.

"I'd kill for 500 milligrams of naproxen."

Ugh! I hate shots! The Dodos.

'Ooh, that's better!'

'Does it hurt when I do this...?'

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

'OW! OW! OW! OW!' 'Are you sure you're cut out for the old fight game?'

'I suggest you refrain from reaching into your untamed bird's cage in the future.'

Dentist.

Oooh, where'd you get that bruise?

Rate your pain...

'This is going to be a level three.'

'You can say, 'I tore a ligament' or 'I blew out my knee.' But in this league you never, ever say, 'I got a boo-boo.''

The Chiropractor - 'I've been looking forward to this all week!'

Masochists' Investment Club - today's topic: 'no pain, no gain'.

"It would be easier to tell you what doesn't hurt."

Do you think I'm army material, Randy? I think you'd be a real asset to the army. Really? Pain is an asset, because otherwise, how would one appreciate pleasure? Loneliness is an asset, for otherwise how would one appreciate love? I think boot camp would be much cheaper than a gym membership. Death is an asset. How else would one cherish life?