Pain Management Skeptic Gifts

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

'It's a beautiful lighthouse. However, hauling the batteries up the stairs has taken its toll on my back.'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

"Say aaargh!" (Dentist presents his bill to a patient).

"I don't prescribe opioids, but feel free to grab a CBD-laced lollipop on your way out."

Slept on the plane and now in horrible pain?

'House calls?...Dr. Latrobe doesn't even make phone calls!'

New Age Anatomy...

"Any pain relief with the cannabis?"

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

'I have stomach cramps.' - 'Oh.' - 'It feels like a cat raking its claws down the inside of my stomach.' - 'Oh.' - 'Raking in a good way or a bad way?' -

'I got to sit down. I feel a pain in my lower back coming on.'

"Mr. Dinsdale - come back!"

I heard you've to an awful, mysterious pain in the side of your face. Yeah. You can try the modern approach, drug yourself silly so you don't feel the pain. You know a better way, Sadie? Well, in your case, I'd suggest going with the tried and true cure-all: Drill a hole in your head to let out the demons. No need. You're already out. That's ... Well-played, nemesis. Well-played.

'This is going to be a level three.'

'This won't hurt.'

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

"Well, thanks for coming over with the soup and the subtle condemnations of my use of Western medicine."

"I heard you have a really bad toothache." "Meh. Not anymore." "‘Meh’?" "I got bored of that, so I just moved on." "Amazing." "‘Mindless over matter’" "Bored of this phone."

I don't let the dentist use painkillers. I transcend dental medication.

Vlad, The Acupuncturist.

Ugh! I hate shots! The Dodos.

'Ooh, that's better!'

'Does it hurt when I do this...?'

'Yeeeooouchhhhh...' (Carpal Tunnel)

'If it starts to hurt, just wiggle your ears.'

"Have you tried St. John's Wort?"

'As a homeopath I'm extremely diluted!'

The frustration of a nagging injury.

'My chiropractor has made me feel so good, I thought it was time I got rid of my pills.'

'You can say, 'I tore a ligament' or 'I blew out my knee.' But in this league you never, ever say, 'I got a boo-boo.''

Man getting a tooth pulled out.

"With 1 being the lowest, and 10 being the highest, could you rate the pain of your headache?"