Pain Management Detective Gifts

'Yeeeooouchhhhh...' (Carpal Tunnel)

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Science and Coronavirus

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

'The first test was false-positive, the second test was false-negative. What are you trying to pull?'

John Snow

You're right, Mr. Fusco. Your health insurance does cover pre-existing conditions. So, honestly, how long have you been a wolverine?

'This could end up costing a lot more than I thought -- your disease is psychocomatic!'

"I don't prescribe opioids, but feel free to grab a CBD-laced lollipop on your way out."

Slept on the plane and now in horrible pain?

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

Doctor getting ready to give lady an injection...

'We thank you for giving us the ability to genetically alter, irradiate and microwave this wonderful food.'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"Any pain relief with the cannabis?"

La Tour 2007.

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

Gene doping in sport.

"Where does it hurt?"

"It appears the pain is caused by your acupuncture treatments."

"Mr. Bermudez passed out and hit his head, but that'll heal."

Yes, I do think second opinions can be worthwhile, but not from 'Evonica, All-Knowing Mystical Seer and Soothsayer'!

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

'This won't hurt.'

'Let's see what the ol' ticker tape' says.'

'Wow! Well this certainly rules out hypochondria!'

'Double or nothing on the second opinion, Doc?'

"Test results are back - you have...everything."

"No contraband, but I found a small tumor right here."

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."