Pain Expert Gifts

"Where does it hurt?"

"He's a dedicated lifter, but he always skips leg day."

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"It's just a hunch, but you spend a lot time at your computer, don't you?"

'Would you mind terribly taking up some other sport besides long-distance running?'

Tonight: Al Hari Kish, leading yoga expert, speaks on 'this topsy-turvy world'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'It didn't hurt at all. You gave it to my teddy bear.'

My husband is a world expert, but unfortunately it's only on maganese bronze.

"You don't need a doctor to look at your throat, you need a CHOIRPRACTOR."

"I don't prescribe opioids, but feel free to grab a CBD-laced lollipop on your way out."

"Repetitive strain injury?...theres a lot of it about."

Let the profit-making begin!

"Can't I go anywhere without someone asking for free medical advice?"

"Breathe, darn it, breathe!"

"Any pain relief with the cannabis?"

Hazard of texting

"Why does every disaster movie start with the government ignoring a scientist? Like that would ever happen."

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

Waiting room scene and signs that say 'Dr. Ooze's Clinic - As seen on TV.'

'This is going to be a level three.'

A man hugs a heart-shaped cactus

"I heard you have a really bad toothache." "Meh. Not anymore." "‘Meh’?" "I got bored of that, so I just moved on." "Amazing." "‘Mindless over matter’" "Bored of this phone."

I don't let the dentist use painkillers. I transcend dental medication.

"The doctor said he could see you at 2 or 3 turdy."

'Does it hurt when I do this...?'

'It looks right, but actually it's very, very wrong.'

'Yeeeooouchhhhh...' (Carpal Tunnel)

"There he goes, against the advice of his back specialist."

"Congratulations on becoming a Proctologist...bottoms up!"

Next time we're expecting a so called epidemic, we'll do nothing, with any luck it'll go some way to compensating for illegal immigration!

'If it starts to hurt, just wiggle your ears.'

You should be clear and tell patients that Doctor Jones has an encyclopedic knowledge of diseases, not that he is "ill-informed."

Expert and Ex-Pert

'My chiropractor has made me feel so good, I thought it was time I got rid of my pills.'