Pain Management Detective T-Shirts

'Yeeeooouchhhhh...' (Carpal Tunnel)

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

Science and Coronavirus

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"FYI that the novocaine will numb the pain caused by the drill but won’t help with the pain caused by the overhead adult contemporary music."

Too bad Desmond had never learned to recognize the early warning signs of a heart attack.

'The first test was false-positive, the second test was false-negative. What are you trying to pull?'

John Snow

'This could end up costing a lot more than I thought -- your disease is psychocomatic!'

"I don't prescribe opioids, but feel free to grab a CBD-laced lollipop on your way out."

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'There's something wrong here. You have all these risk factors, and yet you're in excellent health.'

"Any pain relief with the cannabis?"

'We thank you for giving us the ability to genetically alter, irradiate and microwave this wonderful food.'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

Doctor getting ready to give lady an injection...

La Tour 2007.

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

Gene doping in sport.

Yes, I do think second opinions can be worthwhile, but not from 'Evonica, All-Knowing Mystical Seer and Soothsayer'!

"Mr. Bermudez passed out and hit his head, but that'll heal."

"It appears the pain is caused by your acupuncture treatments."

"Where does it hurt?"

Hypochondriac at two computers. One reads 'Internet diagnosis', other says 'Second opinion'.

'This won't hurt.'

'Wow! Well this certainly rules out hypochondria!'

'Let's see what the ol' ticker tape' says.'

'Double or nothing on the second opinion, Doc?'

"Test results are back - you have...everything."

"No contraband, but I found a small tumor right here."

"I heard you have a really bad toothache." "Meh. Not anymore." "‘Meh’?" "I got bored of that, so I just moved on." "Amazing." "‘Mindless over matter’" "Bored of this phone."

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."