Pageant Voyeur Gifts

If beauty pageant contestants were honest.

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'He's wearing a toupee.'

'I'm looking for a good summer looks....I can't read yet.'

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Hospital gown pageant.

Miss Advertising transformed in the dressing room.

'And do you, grand marshal Froomkin, promise to always love a parade?'

Circus Pageant

Linda Carter played Wonder Woman on the odl TV show. Her dad was Irish-American and her mom was Mexican-American. Before that, she was Miss World USA. Before that, she was forced by her abuelita to eat beauty and muscle foods like rice and beans."

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

"She really lights up a room. Face it Patty, we don't hold a candle to her."

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

'I'm your new editor and not only is this cartoon the funniest one ever made, but it also discovered the cure for cancer and exposes a new,safe and free energy source and it's brought an end to religious wars and that turns me on and I use...'

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

5lbs + 5lbs= ?

'Weren't they the ones who had wished for world peace?'

Westminster's fine, but this show is just sick. Puppies & Tiaras.

"Poor lady, she never wins these pageants. She has a really weird run."

Beauty contest

'In our class's Christmas pageant, I'm playing the department store manager.'

Miss America IQ pageant.

Dear Diary, today I'm feeling beautiful...

'I wonder if I would be allowed to wear a baseball cap.'

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

Favorite author? Whoever wrote the Bible.

"Come on, dear, you're only as bald as you feel."

'I could wile away the hours / Conferrin' with the flowers / Consultin' with the rain...'

7th annual weird fishes pageant

Miss Jumbo Queen Pageant.

In this pageant contestants must knowingly provide incorrect responses to questions. Ah, "Miss Information"!

Beauty Contest

"They said it was the natural resting position of the telescope, but it still creeps me out."

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