Oyster Philosopher Gifts

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

reincarnated worm...

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

He can lean back in contentment on cowslip banks and let everything wash over him.

Goldfish bowl on raft...

Kid to fellow fisherman: 'Why do they stink like fish when they've been bathing this whole time?'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

"Take your first left and then keep turning left until you eventually float to the top."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Two Men Angler's In A Storm.

"This aquarium is such a nice prison."

'He's trying to talk them into giving themselves up!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Cool Cat, Dog Dork, Grumpy Goldfish, Constipated Cockatiel.

'Sometimes I feel sorry for those little baitfish, don't you, Ben?'

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

'The hardest thing is convincing the wife that when I'm staring out of the window I'm actually composing a tweet.'

"So I leave eggs on the ground, and then you come along and drop your whatever on them? That's your idea of romance?"

"Cat got your tongue?"

"My husband is fishing. . ."

"The perfect killing machine? Is that all I am to you?"

Fish near-death experiences.

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'