Ouija Board Humorist Gifts

"Sir, the staff is starting to question your decision making."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'Luxury cruise you said!'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

"What other tricks does he need?"

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

"How long were you in that headstand?"

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

Guide fish.

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"Sir, your greed is showing."

"Carl, let me start off by saying I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as a full-fledged human being."

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

"It's been unanimously decided that we don't like this table. Could you show us another model?"

'We're plowing our excess profits back into justifying our profits.'

Shark food pyramid.