Horticultural Humorist Gifts

"I think this calls for a number 3 rake."

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

'We're working to develope it into a perennial.'

'Whoa! All I did was ask her how her garden grows. You were right about Mary...she really is quite contrary!'

Three Circles of Gardener's Hell.

Disappointed farmer hammers OUT OF ORDER sign into field of wilted crops.

Monstrosa Impressus

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg."

Cover story: Plant World.

'I thought she'd never stop talking!'

Green Fingers.

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

"Wordplay - transplant. I used to be a gladiola."

Argutifolius Fistulosis

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Football Chameleon

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'Yes, all at once!'

Emergency Hipster Beard

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

F&E Stables. Horses Boarded. The owner of this horse is a huge fan of the late musician, "Prince." That explains the purple reins.

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"What are you in for?"

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'