Half-board Humorist Gifts

"Well, they did say half-board."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

"All we have to fear is fear itself and unmet quarterly projections."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

The food chain is like a huge corporation, the only one who really enjoys it, is the guy at the top!

'What kind of a mission statement is that?'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"Nobody is to blame until we pick someone."

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'Our most successful e-mail campaign was an offer to take customers off our e-mail list.'

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

'The 'meows' have it...'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

'Would you believe it took 60 people and a half a million dollars to come up with that?'

'Now go out there and sell yourself!'

Daffodil bulbs

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

"Carl, let me start off by saying I'm prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat you as a full-fledged human being."

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

"Sir, your greed is showing."

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"It's been unanimously decided that we don't like this table. Could you show us another model?"

'We're plowing our excess profits back into justifying our profits.'

'Of course, things are looking up --- from where we are, everything is up.'