Halftime Humorist Gifts

'Sure I know when you eat turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie. During halftime.'

'Can't it wait until halftime?'

Emergency Hipster Beard

Gary turns 40.

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

'She'll never look for me here.'

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing - No. IX

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"Just the slippers is fine!"

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

"There goes our early night."

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

"5...4...3...2..."

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

Gangsta wrap.

"No religious nuts!"

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"10,000 steps...just answering doorbells."

Suburban street.

"Jim was a model Dad".

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."