Halftime Show Aficionado Gifts

"Finally, your halftime show - the Mueller report!"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"What's a patent?"

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Easter Island legs

"Cat box"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

Love at First Sight

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The Fourth Little Pig

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

'Why don't you just pull over and let them pass already?!?'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'

"All natural snow cones for sale."

"Congratulations, Amruk. You prove they do exist."

"That's not how I sat on you."

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

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