Halftime Hero Gifts

"I hope you'll all attend my halftime speech, whose title is, 'You're Playing Like Twinkies'."

Church for sports worshipers.

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

I love Basketball.

'I'll be late - had to think big again.'

"I don't care if your mother is watching on telly, just get the ball in the net!"

Professional football.

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

'I only come to the game for the half time entertainment and snack bar privileges.'

"We'll see who wins on Sunday, and more importantly, if we'll hear 'Not Like Us' at halftime."

Athletic Darwinism.

'Can't it wait until halftime?'

How many ways can a coach say 'get the ball and score some points'.

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

Covid Defender

Man watching a flower slowly wilt, and just as its about to die he waters it

"Man, he pulled that one out of thin air!"

'Can you turn the game on? I need to know when halftime is over, so I can get back to play.'

'I can't dunk.'

"Finally, your halftime show - the Mueller report!"

"Just practice half-court shots - all other shots have lost their meaning."

'On second thought, you're right. It was incidental contact.'

'Gentlemen, about playing touch football during the noon hour...'

'Hi Hon, just calling to let you know I'm on my way home.'

Unpaid overtime.

'We're counting on you, Luther. The game's to 21, winner's outs... And I hope we don't need to remind you what happens to all of us if you lose.'