Halftime Hero Pillows

"I hope you'll all attend my halftime speech, whose title is, 'You're Playing Like Twinkies'."

Church for sports worshipers.

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

I love Basketball.

Classic Halftime Shows (Super Bowl III)

"I don't care if your mother is watching on telly, just get the ball in the net!"

Professional football.

And the crowd goes wild—except for Mary, because she wasn't paying attention.

'I'll be late - had to think big again.'

"You're back! You're really back...!"

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

"We'll see who wins on Sunday, and more importantly, if we'll hear 'Not Like Us' at halftime."

'I only come to the game for the half time entertainment and snack bar privileges.'

Many people suspect that the players aren't the only ones on steroids.

'I want to thank each of you for coming through in the clutch, putting in some overtime and seeing this project through to completion.'

Athletic Darwinism.

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

'Can't it wait until halftime?'

Covid Defender

How many ways can a coach say 'get the ball and score some points'.

"Slug bug...not hit backs!"

Man watching a flower slowly wilt, and just as its about to die he waters it

"Where are you getting those notes from?"

"Man, he pulled that one out of thin air!"

'Can you turn the game on? I need to know when halftime is over, so I can get back to play.'

'I can't dunk.'

"Finally, your halftime show - the Mueller report!"

Robot League Baseball. The player upgrades are great this year! New batteries and antennas will increase our home runs and decrease strike outs. They'll hit with more power, yet still make consistent contact! A software patch will cut down on errors. And the catcher's signs are encrypted now so they won't get stolen. Even with all that stuff, the most important upgrade is organic, grown in a biology lab! Yeah, every member of the pitching staff has a live arm!

"Just practice half-court shots - all other shots have lost their meaning."

Unpaid overtime.

'We're counting on you, Luther. The game's to 21, winner's outs... And I hope we don't need to remind you what happens to all of us if you lose.'

'Gentlemen, about playing touch football during the noon hour...'

'Hi Hon, just calling to let you know I'm on my way home.'