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Oliver's reception by Fagin and the boys

"Define fair."

7 More Dwarfs

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

Who's Dead

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

Newborn making the V-sign

"I hate to spoil your porridge, but your son has a blonde in his room."

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

'I've been knocking for ages!'

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

A frog catches an insect truck.

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

Brothers Grimm

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

Floods leave man and ghost stranded.

Sea Angel

Elf Farm

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

'Plus I found this great set of porridge bowls!'

Prompts on the Antiques Roadshow.

'This one belonged to a little old lady with weak eyes.'

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"We met online."

"Ow! Rotten stinking sky!!"

"No, it's just that the royal inbreeding makes me look like a frog."

Little Red Riding Hood Meets Goldilocks Meets Hansel and Gretel